At about 7:00 PM that same evening, I wrote my parents a note apologizing to them for the pain I knew my actions were going to cause them, I asked them to look after my children and I went into the living room where they were watching television. I told them I was going for a walk on the beach and would see them later. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me for the lie I had just told but I walked out the door and down the street to the ocean with every intention of walking off the end of the Palm Beach Inlet. I didn't care about the pain or discomfort I would feel when drowning...nothing could hurt worse than my broken heart.

About 50 feet from the end of the inlet the beach meets the walkway, for some reason I veered off onto the sand and began walking down the deserted beach. The sun was setting and dusk was setting in but I walked a short way and then sat down on the warm sand and looked out over the beautiful blue ocean and cried harder than I had ever cried in my life.

"Oh Dear God, if you are really there and You can hear me, please, oh please God...help me" I sobbed from the depths of my soul. "Please fix this."

I stood up, still crying and it was at that very moment I felt a peace like nothing I had ever experienced in my life wash over me. Everything was still, my tears stopped, my body stopped shaking and I felt it...I felt God plant the seed of faith in my heart.

Now I had always heard that people hear God talk to them; but at this point in my life I didn't have a clue...but at that very moment I heard God speak to me through my heart He said,

"I will fix this for you, if you learn all I have to teach you."

My heart felt like it had burst out of my chest with a feeling I hadn't known during this situation, I felt HOPE! I KNEW I had just come face to face with the Lord and I knew it was going to be OK! I turned around and started walking off the beach to go back to my parents house and as I did, right before my very eyes a HUGE rainbow appeared! I knew that was the Lord's way of letting a newbie like me know HE WAS THERE!

Upon arriving back at my parents home I sat down and ate like I hadn't eaten in eight days. My mom was only too happy to feed me and I could see some relief on my dad's face. I went into my room but not before my mother reminded me to ask Saint Jude for help again.

I sat down at the computer and I typed "Miracles" into the search engine. I wanted to learn all about miracles and the One who gives them. While I was searching for miracles I came across a link for Saint Jude Thaddeus, the Catholic Patron Saint of hopeless cases. HA! Did I ever qualify for that!

I clicked on the link and began reading about Saint Jude and right there on his web page there was a link that said "Do You know Jesus?" - I was about too! When the new page came up there was a beautiful picture of Jesus and the salvation prayer. I burst into tears as I felt God's love move through me and I sat there at that Saint Jude web page and gave my life to Jesus. That was June 27, 1999.  Although I attend a Baptist Church now with my husband, I will always honor Saint Jude Thaddeus as my special patron saint for leading me My Savior.

My life changed drastically after that night. The next day I began dismantling all of my adult web sites including one of the worlds first adult web sites for ladies. Just4Ladies.com made more money for me than any other; but I was committed to do this right. Little did I know, God had plans for Just4Ladies.com also! I refunded thousands of dollars in membership fees and cancelled all upcoming design contracts. If I couldn't make a living designing commercial web sites, I'd have to find another way. A few weeks later, after turning down a $20,000 adult web design job, the Lord blessed me with a client who needed a corporate web site built...the site earned me $25,000. He was already rewarding my new faith!

To this day, I have never looked back on my adult web design career or the money. I never missed any of it. I simply walked away from it and all it entailed. Little did I know that The Lord would use my career in adult web design one day to help others ("Protecting Those You Love In An X-Rated World")

Those first few months of my walk were truly a learning experience. I learned that not all miracles come about in the blink of an eye and it is the growing and learning that makes up part of the miracle. Through it all, I journaled every single day and sometimes several times a day. I recorded what I was feeling, how my faith was growing, what set me back, how I overcame those setbacks and basically, everything God was teaching me.

At first, I would pray and then run to the phone and call Shaun, as with a lot of new believers I figured now that I had God on my side He would surely make him answer. When he didn't answer, I'd get angry with God or doubt but as time went on I realized that the devil was also a factor in the outcome of my miracle. I asked God to show me how to look over the waves onto the horizon and as each month passed I still stood form on my faith that Shaun would return. I learned to trust God and when things didn't look good, I learned to simply believe.

Eleven months into my walk a mutual friend of Shaun and I came to visit. he knew I was praying and believing that Shaun was going to come back and although he wasn't a believer, he supported my decision to wait. This friend, I'll call him John, came by to visit ne evening and while he was there he told me he had something to tell me.

"Shell, I don't know how to say this to you; but Shaun is getting married. He met a girl with two kids and they are getting married in a few months, you need to let go now."

it was only by the grace of God that I was able to stay composed; but once John left I went into my room and literally fell to my knees and cried as hard as I did the day I met The Lord.

"Why?!?!" I yelled out. "Why have You allowed me to believe he was coming back?" I cried out loud to a God I wasn't sure was there at that moment.

(CONTINUED)